Guest List: 10 Annoying Songs . . .
. . . to Which I am Regularly Subjected as a Consequence of One of My Colleagues Listening to Classic Hits on a Shitty Transistor Radio All Day.
Today's Guest List is courtesy of Mr A of Parnell. Enjoy!
The Power of Love - Jennifer Rush
Holds the unfortunate distinction of not even being the best song called Power of Love (this one comes in a distant third of the three that I can think of, with Frankie Goes To Hollywood ahead of Huey Lewis and the News). This is one of the 4 or 5 songs which Classic Hits plays on a daily basis, which is fairly galling because (a) they advertise themselves as having a "no-repeat work day" (which, while technically true, would be much more welcome paired with a "no-repeat work week"); and (b) by virtue of being a Classic Hits station, they have 50 years of popular music canon to draw from, so why they should feel the need to play this turgid piece of shit every day is entirely beyond me. This makes number one by also having one of those drawn out hooks in the chorus that makes it nigh-impossible to remove from your head once you've heard it.
My Cherie Amour - Stevie Wonder
Stevie Wonder is one of my favourite musicians of all time, and I own 3 or 4 of his studio albums (which I believe is a rare thing in the age at which every artist with more than 2 albums under their belt is deemed worthy of a greatest hits compilation, at which point the albums tend to disappear out of print). I don't necessarily loathe this song (or at least I didn't used to, although it was certainly never a favourite) but after months of exposure to the horror that is Classic Hits it's the only Stevie Wonder song I've heard. No Superstition, no I Wish, no Living For The City, no Uptight (Everything's Alright), not even I Just Called To Say I Love You. Just this one, over and over and over again.
You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone / Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
I have bracketed these two because, as far as I can tell, they are basically the same song with different words, one sung by a woman and one sung by what could loosely be described as a man. This is some of the most scrotum-crawlingly saccharine music ever committed to tape, and incidentally both songs figure on this list at numbers 19 and 8 respectively. Which sadly hasn't stopped Classic Hits from playing them to death.
Blame It On The Bossanova - Eydie Gorme
Blame It On The Bossanova is to the bossanova as 2 Legit 2 Quit is to hip hop. The fact that this song is a watered down version of actual bossanova is fairly bad, the sub-Mambo Italiano lyrics are worse, and the claim that the bossanova is the "dance of love" is patently ridiculous (I thought that was the Running Man). But the worst thing about this song is the fact that Classic Hits play it every single day, which is almost enough to send me on a shooting rampage.
Boy From New York City - Manhattan Transfer
Jazz vocal groups are a sketchy proposition at the best of times. Manhattan Transfer are one of the worst offenders, and this is one of their worst songs - a novelty tune that is one step up from Who Let The Dogs Out, one step down from Video Killed The Radio Star, and FAR TOO AWFUL TO JUSTIFY PLAYING EVERY FUCKING DAY.
Take A Letter Maria - R B Greaves
One of the more quietly mysoginistic offerings from the sixties, featuring one of the most nagging, banal choruses ever written. It's amazing how many of these songs are one hit wonders. The pseudo-Latin sound is almost as annoying as Blame It On The Bossanova, and the repeat airplay given to this annoying sixties one-hit wonder is patently ridiculous.
I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross
Both for the crushing disappointment that it isn't the I'm Coming Out-sampling Mo' Money Mo' Problems by Notorious B.I.G, and for the waste of a relatively interesting drum break in the intro on what is inevitably a bland, unengaging song. Also, Diana Ross is crazy and evil, and any airplay is only prolonging her ability to hire personal assistants to abuse while hopped up on Valium.
Baby Baby - Amy Grant
I hadn't heard this song in around 15 years until recently, but, lucky me, now I get to hear it all the time. Another one hit wonder who, just like Debbie Boone, warbles for Jesus. If there's a worse part to any song ever written than the horrible, even-Kenny-G-would-have-made-this-sound-more-edgy sax break, I haven't heard it. Along with plagues, famines and Ben Affleck, this song is more proof, if any was needed, that God hates all of us.
The Pied Piper - Del Shannon
This song was used on an ad (I think it was a car ad) for a couple of years, and I grew heartily sick of it and was glad when they stopped screening it. It is now a repeat offender on Classic Hits (in more ways than one - even in the era of Surfin' Bird and Louie Louie it would have been one of the more repetitive songs on offer), and its reedy backing music and nagging tune are the perfect compliment for the tinny, trebly transistor. Nobody give me a gun.
Take It Easy - The Eagles
To quote The Dude: "I hate the fucking Eagles, man."
Today's Guest List is courtesy of Mr A of Parnell. Enjoy!
The Power of Love - Jennifer Rush
Holds the unfortunate distinction of not even being the best song called Power of Love (this one comes in a distant third of the three that I can think of, with Frankie Goes To Hollywood ahead of Huey Lewis and the News). This is one of the 4 or 5 songs which Classic Hits plays on a daily basis, which is fairly galling because (a) they advertise themselves as having a "no-repeat work day" (which, while technically true, would be much more welcome paired with a "no-repeat work week"); and (b) by virtue of being a Classic Hits station, they have 50 years of popular music canon to draw from, so why they should feel the need to play this turgid piece of shit every day is entirely beyond me. This makes number one by also having one of those drawn out hooks in the chorus that makes it nigh-impossible to remove from your head once you've heard it.
My Cherie Amour - Stevie Wonder
Stevie Wonder is one of my favourite musicians of all time, and I own 3 or 4 of his studio albums (which I believe is a rare thing in the age at which every artist with more than 2 albums under their belt is deemed worthy of a greatest hits compilation, at which point the albums tend to disappear out of print). I don't necessarily loathe this song (or at least I didn't used to, although it was certainly never a favourite) but after months of exposure to the horror that is Classic Hits it's the only Stevie Wonder song I've heard. No Superstition, no I Wish, no Living For The City, no Uptight (Everything's Alright), not even I Just Called To Say I Love You. Just this one, over and over and over again.
You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone / Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
I have bracketed these two because, as far as I can tell, they are basically the same song with different words, one sung by a woman and one sung by what could loosely be described as a man. This is some of the most scrotum-crawlingly saccharine music ever committed to tape, and incidentally both songs figure on this list at numbers 19 and 8 respectively. Which sadly hasn't stopped Classic Hits from playing them to death.
Blame It On The Bossanova - Eydie Gorme
Blame It On The Bossanova is to the bossanova as 2 Legit 2 Quit is to hip hop. The fact that this song is a watered down version of actual bossanova is fairly bad, the sub-Mambo Italiano lyrics are worse, and the claim that the bossanova is the "dance of love" is patently ridiculous (I thought that was the Running Man). But the worst thing about this song is the fact that Classic Hits play it every single day, which is almost enough to send me on a shooting rampage.
Boy From New York City - Manhattan Transfer
Jazz vocal groups are a sketchy proposition at the best of times. Manhattan Transfer are one of the worst offenders, and this is one of their worst songs - a novelty tune that is one step up from Who Let The Dogs Out, one step down from Video Killed The Radio Star, and FAR TOO AWFUL TO JUSTIFY PLAYING EVERY FUCKING DAY.
Take A Letter Maria - R B Greaves
One of the more quietly mysoginistic offerings from the sixties, featuring one of the most nagging, banal choruses ever written. It's amazing how many of these songs are one hit wonders. The pseudo-Latin sound is almost as annoying as Blame It On The Bossanova, and the repeat airplay given to this annoying sixties one-hit wonder is patently ridiculous.
I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross
Both for the crushing disappointment that it isn't the I'm Coming Out-sampling Mo' Money Mo' Problems by Notorious B.I.G, and for the waste of a relatively interesting drum break in the intro on what is inevitably a bland, unengaging song. Also, Diana Ross is crazy and evil, and any airplay is only prolonging her ability to hire personal assistants to abuse while hopped up on Valium.
Baby Baby - Amy Grant
I hadn't heard this song in around 15 years until recently, but, lucky me, now I get to hear it all the time. Another one hit wonder who, just like Debbie Boone, warbles for Jesus. If there's a worse part to any song ever written than the horrible, even-Kenny-G-would-have-made-this-sound-more-edgy sax break, I haven't heard it. Along with plagues, famines and Ben Affleck, this song is more proof, if any was needed, that God hates all of us.
The Pied Piper - Del Shannon
This song was used on an ad (I think it was a car ad) for a couple of years, and I grew heartily sick of it and was glad when they stopped screening it. It is now a repeat offender on Classic Hits (in more ways than one - even in the era of Surfin' Bird and Louie Louie it would have been one of the more repetitive songs on offer), and its reedy backing music and nagging tune are the perfect compliment for the tinny, trebly transistor. Nobody give me a gun.
Take It Easy - The Eagles
To quote The Dude: "I hate the fucking Eagles, man."
posted by Frank at 9:45 am
2 Comments:
Dear Mr A (if that is your real name), I have one question for you - what the fuck are you doing listening to Classic Hits??
I mean, seriously, what??
Why don't you read the title and first paragraph and see if you can work out whether I was listening to it voluntarily or was subjected to it without my consent. Seriously, is basic reading comprehension that much of a challenge?
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